i haven't posted in a while. been really busy developing the
West Egg Productions website and all the content that it will host. You can feel free to check out the
beta of the site at:
http://www.westeggproductions.comI'm happy to get any feedback I can.
Anyway, since I don't have time for a full post, I figured I'd post an autobiographical piece I wrote for a class I'm taking called "The Personal Essay"... it's called "If walls could speak".
It's kinda silly but enjoy...
English 308, Essay 1
Prof. Graziano
If walls could speak, they'd have a lot to say. An anchor for the room, the mural casts a new energy over the mostly-bare walls. Five feet by nine feet, its enormity can’t go unnoticed. It’s quickly become the first thing that people notice upon entrance. It was the first thing I wanted when I knew I was moving out of my parents house. I spoke to my talented artist friend, Maurice and pitched him the idea. “Let’s collaborate”, I said. “I know how talented you are as a mural artist. I just got a new place in the city and I really want a nice painting that captures the raw urban energy that this city has to offer. If I buy you all your supplies and document the entire experience in an edited video, you think you could find the time to help me out? You’ll have a great video for your website…” That was it. At that moment, we decided. Little did I know, he would come to me four days later asking for a ride to Home Depot and Pearl Paint so we could get the needed materials.
We would be shooting that weekend. We bought two buckets of the “oops paint”, as Maurice called it. This was the paint that was specially mixed for a child’s bedroom (and as a result, usually pink or blue). Then, for whatever the reason, it was abandoned by its original buyer. He’d use these discount goods to prime the canvas. He’d use spray paint for the majority of the painting and a few acrylic tubes to add some finishing touches. Lastly, a large piece of canvas would combine with wooden two-by-fours and heavy-duty screws to create the monstrous frame of the beast. I remember unloading all the materials into my parent’s garage and staring at the pile, unknowing of what was to come.
The next 36 hours would be filled with set up, construction, and many, many hours of painting (and filming). I didn’t keep track of the hours we spent on this project. I know that I used close to twenty hours in tape stock. Now, the video has found a home on the Internet, collecting praise from various artists from all over the world. The mural, however, is my trophy of the experience. Furnished with a large “E” in the bottom right corner and a large outline of a rubber duck engulfing the entire left half of the canvas. A stream of water runs under the duck and through the other side of the canvas with a treble clef on the highest parts of the mural between the “E” and the duck. Orange, pink, turquoise, and brown beams of energy emanate from the canvas.
In my first apartment, it was the centerpiece of my living room. Now, in my new apartment, it lies above my bed as the centerpiece of my bedroom. I’ve spent countless hours considering the various other design elements in the piece, wondering about any hidden meanings. It is always the subject of conversation at some point during each person’s initial visit to my home. It really does anchor the entire room.
There are only a few paintings amongst the posters but they all happily find their place on my walls. I’ve always believed that a person’s walls are great insight into their character. As a result, I’ve always tried to keep my walls occupied with different pieces of representational artwork. Some parts of the wall are left blank intentionally – I’m still figuring those parts out. The mural sits parallel to one of my other cherished paintings. This painting was much smaller than it’s friend across the room. This painting had just as much history though.
I purchased it in Israel a few summers ago. Near the town where my cousins live, there is a flea market with goods exclusively made by local artists. Usually, the artist is the one at the table trying to make their keep. I had spent a couple hours taking in all the beautiful craftsmanship in the market. Nothing in particular made my wallet run ahead of me but, as I was leaving, I found a table that I really enjoyed. The artist was using various artworks, some of them found and some original. She’d have canvas stretched to a couple of different sizes. On each canvas, she transferred a work of art. She then painted a border around the piece with thick paint adding texture to the edges. I had been looking for gifts I could bring home to some of my closest friends. I began looking at her reasonably priced selection of art. Immediately, one poster caught my eye. It was an old Guinness beer advertisement featuring the Guinness pelican. My best friend, Ben, was spending his summer in Ireland. It was the third or fourth consecutive summer that he had spent there. As a result, he’d drink Guinness with pride and love for his summer spot. When I saw that this Israeli artist had taken the old advertisement and added her own touch, I knew it would be the perfect gift. When she offered me a two-for-one deal on top of already low prices, I put the Guinness piece on reserve and continued my search.
I stumbled upon what seemed like an original piece in which a gnome squatted down with his hands on his cheeks, and his elbows on his knees. He only had one eye open and a long beard that went from his chin to his feet. On his head was a cloth that had been stitched together in the front to form a cone shaped hat. Something about this character stood out to me. I told my mother that I would have to buy both – as if I had no choice. After a long tiring day in the market with her big-eyed teenage son, my mom was quite tired. She had been in the market for hours listening to me rant about my fascination with different items at different tables. We hadn’t bought anything yet but that wasn’t the point. She wanted to go home already. Plus, there was no guarantee that two fragile paintings would have room in our tightly packed suitcases. Stubborn as I am, I refused to give up on the perfect souvenirs for my best friend and myself. The argument escalated and I refused to hear any semblance of logic or reason. She began to walk away from the table and I began to take out my wallet. Needless to say, I bought both paintings.
When I arrived back in New York, I called Ben and told him I had bought him a gift. He replied by saying he had gotten me something too. I told him it would be a surprise. We met up later that night to catch up and share stories of our separate journeys. At once, I asked him what he had gotten me. After a little back and forth about who should reveal their gift first, we decided to swap at the same time. I brought the painting into the room and he began to laugh. He opened his jacket and unveiled a poster tube from the Guinness brewery. He had bought me a poster of the same advertisement. We were both shocked by the way our minds had connected while overseas.
Unfortunately, our friendship would come to a screeching halt. A few months later, while on his way to his college orientation, Ben’s heart stopped. There was no prior medical condition. There were no drugs in his system. There was no good reason for him to die at 17. None. Near the gnome painting, the Guinness poster he bought me in Ireland hangs with a picture of him wedged in the frame. He had written a “meaning of life” essay in the month before his passing. It was brilliant far beyond his years. In the weeks following his death, his mom published a book of some of his writing after his passing and I treat it as though it is sacred. He was extremely insightful and not a day goes by in which his words don’t continue to influence my life.
The painting of the gnome hangs across from the mural Maurice made. In all the moments every day in which the painting catches my eye, I have yet to figure out why I was so keen on buying it. Since having it, I’ve realized a few things. It’s come to represent the darkest parts of my mind. That gnome represents my off days - the days in which I’m not quite myself. The gnome hangs above my desk. It’s the perfect place for him because that way, I’m forced to see him every day. He is a representation of what I can become if I don’t apply myself. He is a representation of who I’ve been in the past when I’ve made some poor decisions.
As a proud member of the “A.D.D generation”, I often find trouble staying focused. In recent years, I’ve been honing ways to do so. My walls represent so much more than what they are. Walls are a luxury. Many people don’t have them. I know how lucky I am. I know how fortunate I’ve been. I grew up with quite a bit of wall space. I’d like to have this much wall space for the rest of my life. I try to remind myself of that on a daily basis. The gnome is one small way in which I do so. I’ve had many other reminders on past walls.
While some of my wall dwellers are reminders of the bad, others remind me of my accomplishments. I have a painting framed that I bought in China in the summer of 2003. I had applied for a scholarship program for potential Asian studies majors. I hadn’t even considered the chances of winning. They were to select 16 students from the entire tri-state area. After writing a paper, getting recommendations and undergoing a pretty stressful interview, I was informed that I had been one of the lucky 16. To this day, it remains one of my best accomplishments. This win was huge for me. I wasn’t the popular athlete in high school. I’d like to think I was well liked but I had my ups and downs. After taking part in the trip to China, I really felt like I could do great things. People always assume that things like that trip are such a long shot; they’re not even worth chasing. I’ll never feel that way again. Winning that trip was a huge inspiration to me and has reminded me on many occasions that I can truly do great things if I make a conscious decision to do so. The painting is a cute portrayal of pandas surrounded by bamboo. It’s a happy scene to look at and quite soothing. Still, like most things on my wall, the painting holds no comparisons to the memories attached.
These walls still need lots of work. I’ve only been here for a few months. Unfortunately, I’ll only be here for a few months more. It suddenly becomes clear why I am fixated on the greater meaning of walls that seems to exist in my mind. As a young boy, I lived in nearly a dozen different houses growing up. I wasn’t an “army brat”. I didn’t have (any serious) problems with my parents. The only real reason for the commotion was business. My parents have always been interested in real estate. It’s something they’ve always used as a tool in the background as they lived their lives. As a young boy, I couldn’t understand this. Growing up, it becomes clearer.
At my parents’ house, I used to have a tack board. I used it to post pictures, bumper stickers, fortunes (from the cookies), and ticket stubs for movies, concerts, and theme parks among many other random things. The pictures usually highlighted moments that made me smile. The types of moments that make it worth the effort to get past the bad ones. The bumper stickers were usually mantras or quotes that were either comedic or insightful. My favorite was “What Would Scooby Do?” That one always gave me a good laugh. The fortunes reminded me of how fortunate I was (and still am). I never took them too seriously but sometimes, they actually carry that crucial piece of wisdom that sparks the solution to a difficult problem. That tack board still hangs in my room at my parents’ house. At this point, it has the same effect of a time capsule. It highlights ups and downs (but mostly ups) from all my teen years. I have every intention to buy a new tack board for the next apartment I live in. It’s a great keeper of those keepsakes, creative muses and inspiration.
Three of the four walls in my room have something on them. One, covered by Maurice’s beautiful artwork, represents my creativity. One, garnished with my gnome and my Guinness poster, is a reminder of the darker side of life. The third wall has my panda’s and a few other minor reminders of what I can accomplish. The fourth wall in my room, however, is nearly bare. It has a large window that nearly stretches floor-to-ceiling. That wall represents what is to come. As I stare at the blank wall and the window it houses, I’m optimistic about the future. I am surrounded by all the inspiration I need to achieve my goals. If walls could speak… well, they do.